I was very slow to realise that I was the star of my own drama. Insisting on my ipad,
notebooks and my diary being brought into me so I could continue working, refusing to
pronounce Sarcoidosis properly as I refused to believe I had it – I called it “Scardiosis or
Something Stupid Like That”. Even watching my heart stop on my heart monitor didn’t seem to register with me that I was seriously ill. After two weeks in Broomfield Hospital, they had carried out every test they could to identify the cause of my complete heart block. They had done exceptionally well to keep me alive while my heart stopped for 7 seconds a time, many times a day. They knew I needed a pacemaker urgently, but if they had put one in sooner it would have created a blurry image on the scans and they would have found it harder to identify the cause of the block. They were pretty certain now it was Sarcoidosis, so I was to be sent to the Royal Brompton where they specialised in my condition.
Between me not acknowledging I was seriously ill, and the medical staff being determined to keep me calm, it was working well. Even when they announced that I was to be taken by ambulance to the Royal Brompton, I totally believed them when they said they were only going to use the blue lights and siren to get through the traffic quicker, not because it was an emergency. Well, this was exciting and I can’t wait to tell all my friends about it in the pub! Maybe I can even write a blog about this one day. Reality tried its best to bash me over the head when the speed of the ambulance made me bump up and down on the stretcher, and I had a major heart stopping moment. I could hear the driver and the paramedic discussing that this was possibly a heart attack. Ok, I thought, isn’t that interesting….
Meanwhile back in la la land, I was trying to take a photo of the blue lights through the roof as I wanted to Whatsapp everyone and the only reason I didn’t take a selfie was because I hadn’t put my make up on. There are always standards to be maintained.
On arrival at the Royal Brompton, I was rushed straight into the High Dependency Unit not a ward as I had expected. Within minutes I was wired up to so many monitors and defibrillator pads, I barely had enough skin for them all. Within 20 minutes of my arrival, three male Doctors and one female Doctor came to see me. The enormity of what was happening FINALLY hit me and I was so frightened at the sight of all four of them, I had a massive heart stopping episode. This is exactly what happened next – the three male Doctors all leaned forward and studied the monitors above my head and said “now, isn’t that interesting – do you see what her heart is doing – it has completely stopped”. I tell you what would be even MORE interesting right now, would be to do something about it!!! The female Doctor leaned towards me, not the monitors, and said “cough hard now”, which I did and then she said “do it again, and again”. And just like that my heart started working again! If you need a job done…….
A few hours later, the male patient opposite me was given the news that he would be having an operation the following morning to try and halt the condition he had. He was told that he only had a 50% chance of recovery as the surgery was so risky and then was asked to call his family so that they could come in and say goodbye just in case. I am struggling to even write these words down without being overcome with emotion again. His family were called, his wife, his ex-wife (I assumed), his young child and his two older children. The curtains were not allowed to be drawn in the HDU as monitoring is constant, so I could only try to look the other way, as just a few feet away from me he told his grown-up children how to sort his financial affairs and then said goodbye to his family. I lay there quietly sobbing and praying for him he would recover. When his family left late at night, we just looked at each other and both of us were crying. I was so traumatised that I had witnessed, and unavoidably intruded on, something so private, I couldn’t find any words to say. This poor man had just been faced with a completely impossible situation and had done incredibly well to try and reassure his devastated family that everything would be ok – he was exceedingly brave. When I was moved from HDU to a general ward, one of the first things I did was to walk down the corridor to find the men’s ward and the relief when I spotted him through the window was immense.
I was in awe of the nursing staff in both hospitals and the ambulance paramedics. Their dedication, professionalism and hard work is so admirable. In the small HDU unit, there were two nurses to four patients. They had to constantly monitor us throughout the night, run reports, take blood tests, rush the results to the lab – they never, ever sat still the whole time I was in there. I will never forget their kindness, calmness and empathy. The wonderful male nurse I had looking after me looked so exhausted at the end of his shift – the pressure on them is really huge. WE ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE OUR NHS – let us never forget that!!